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I guess it's time to set in stone what role this little creature plays in my life. It's obvious there's much more behind her and my fascination with creating the perfect world for her, writing the best story I can and making this my life project, than just a creative itch.
Why? What is she? Why such need to keep her alive and see her succeed? Is she a memory of better times? Is she the ghost of the one that got away? Is she the reflection of the woman I wish I had?
As much as it may seem so to your anterior cingulate cortex, no, not at all.
What she is, raw and simple, is the me that never was.
Even tho entirely heterosexual, I have always felt I should have been a woman and lamented the role expected out of my masculinity. Day after day of fragile, wimpy, friendless childhood all I wished for with every tear from my heart was one single day of adventure. And now that I'm an adult, there is not a single day of my life in which I wouldn't change this miserable game of survival in an econocentric society rigged against us, for a wild world filled with monsters, ghosts, evil wizards and clockwork zombies.
I'd trade in a fucking heartbeat.
She is the part of me that isn't growing older and sicker with every day of struggle, the part of me that doesn't have to fear time steadily taking away her intelligence and sanity, the part of me who mustn't fear dieing alone. And yes, I may just be a withered looser with gender issues trying to live a second youth thru' evasion of reality but every scene imagined, every piece I've painted, has healed me more than any pill swallowed or vial injected. Her vitality keeps me alive.
I don't know how Mignola feels about Hellboy or how Stan Lee feels about Spider-Man. But I know, she's not a toy, she's not a product, she's not my daughter or the love of my life. She is me, the very last shard of innocence I have left. And I will make sure she, like all my other characters, lives a fulfilling and exiting life with great times and horrible ones, with great stress and great joy, with horror, love, wonder and laughter. I'm giving her, myself, the life I was neglected when I was her age.
As for this pic, The Fool is the start and the end, the star and the zero, walking in between the bright morning and the void with all he needs in his hands. The Fool is the primeval wanderer, and it has always been my card.
Valeria is ©2012 Rodrigo Cueto Velez.
Why? What is she? Why such need to keep her alive and see her succeed? Is she a memory of better times? Is she the ghost of the one that got away? Is she the reflection of the woman I wish I had?
As much as it may seem so to your anterior cingulate cortex, no, not at all.
What she is, raw and simple, is the me that never was.
Even tho entirely heterosexual, I have always felt I should have been a woman and lamented the role expected out of my masculinity. Day after day of fragile, wimpy, friendless childhood all I wished for with every tear from my heart was one single day of adventure. And now that I'm an adult, there is not a single day of my life in which I wouldn't change this miserable game of survival in an econocentric society rigged against us, for a wild world filled with monsters, ghosts, evil wizards and clockwork zombies.
I'd trade in a fucking heartbeat.
She is the part of me that isn't growing older and sicker with every day of struggle, the part of me that doesn't have to fear time steadily taking away her intelligence and sanity, the part of me who mustn't fear dieing alone. And yes, I may just be a withered looser with gender issues trying to live a second youth thru' evasion of reality but every scene imagined, every piece I've painted, has healed me more than any pill swallowed or vial injected. Her vitality keeps me alive.
I don't know how Mignola feels about Hellboy or how Stan Lee feels about Spider-Man. But I know, she's not a toy, she's not a product, she's not my daughter or the love of my life. She is me, the very last shard of innocence I have left. And I will make sure she, like all my other characters, lives a fulfilling and exiting life with great times and horrible ones, with great stress and great joy, with horror, love, wonder and laughter. I'm giving her, myself, the life I was neglected when I was her age.
As for this pic, The Fool is the start and the end, the star and the zero, walking in between the bright morning and the void with all he needs in his hands. The Fool is the primeval wanderer, and it has always been my card.
Valeria is ©2012 Rodrigo Cueto Velez.
Image size
1042x1831px 3.11 MB
Comments6
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Lovin' her hair!